Translate it to PROPER English!

TAFEに通い始めたのが遅かったので（2月スタートなのに、3月末から参加）、みんなのやってきた宿題を週遅れでやることに。
すでに提出済ですが、みなさんと共有。

お題は・・・「この（オーストラリア独特の）文章を正しい英語に翻訳しなさい。」

              Well I invited a few mates over to a barbie yesterday arvo. There was a lot of tucker. We ate bangers and mash and of course we sunk a few stubbies. Of course everyone was pissed off their head. Anyway this bloke comes over, he was a real drongo, anyway, he starts chatting me up. My boyfriend comes over and spits the dummy. Next thing I know this guy is flat out on the ground. Then his sheila comes out and just ignores him lying on the ground. She was really pissed. She then ate a banger from the barbie. I don’t think they were cooked properly. She suddenly went green and runs to the dunnie to spew. Finally her boyfriend wakes up and downs a couple more tinnies like nothing had happened.

太文字がオーストラリア独特のスラングです。
ぴい太に見せたら大笑いしてました。オフィスワーク等で使われることはなく、使う必要がないのですが、すくなくとも相手の言っていることはわかるようにならないといけない。。。のかもしれません。